SHE WINS, SOMETIMES

Photo courtesy of Twitter, account @dudewithsign

I was in high spirits, my boss had wired me my ‘salo’ after a month of spinning ‘buy two get one free’ Pizza Inn placards at the TRM parking lot. A month of wearing that clown like green, red and yellow outfit and avoiding familiar faces. Which wasn’t hard because that’s one of the few pros being at the parking lot, one being that the cars provide good cover and the biggest being the ‘Harroo’ greeting thirsty middle aged women who drive Toyota Harriers offering me ‘tips’ but that’s not the point.

Anyway, my happiness was annihilated when I saw you at the Winery section in Quickmart this evening seated in a trolley goofing around with a beefy guy who’s doing the pushing as you do the sitting and picking bottles from the rack like you had won a gift hamper. I counter with an even larger trolley because no way you’re doing better than me. I fed it with items, including those I didn’t need but who cares it was pay day I’m rolling in dough and made sure to walk past so you notice. As planned you looked bewildered, perfect vengeance. For the first time in a long while I felt like I had won.

I move to the counter and you guys come in behind me.

“6ft please,” I say through my face mask signaling to your guy to stay back so as to make you irk a little.

The attendant checks out my profusion of purchases. I hand her my debit card. She looks at me, pouting and dramatically swaying my card in the air (like she just don’t care) like she wants the world to notice.
All this while I thought I had my debit card in the pocket. What she had in her hand was my PizzaInn work badge with a huge not so pleasing photo of myself in the front and now everybody’s attention is fixated on me and the counter attendant.

“I don’t know about you, but we have somewhere to be,” your plain looking boyfriend says making a beeline for me. I stood their mortified, you visibly turning red trying not to burst into laughter.

Let’s just say it’s hard walking 15 minutes to another supermarket, hopefully those Quickmart guys have forgotten my face.

And yes grandma, I’m still single.