ANGST

PC: Pinterest

I am somewhere in the depths of Kiambu. It is a beautiful day outside; the drizzle has abated and the sun is now shining graciously, drying the wet roads underneath it. Shining upon premature bald heads of men with verve. Kissing the faces of single persons(read: like me). It is rather uneventful. Tranquil. Still like the deep waters of a lake. Nothing much is going on save for the occasional motorbikes that rumble past and the voices of children playing. That piques my skepticism; I’m dubious kids pay ‘brikicho’ (hide and seek) anymore and other games we played as kids, presuming everyone reading 18 and over. Gone are the good old days man. Now, only vestigials of the memories remain. I can only reminisce and dwell in reveries of the past and its simplicity.

I’ve just been interviewed for an internship position I was seeking – over call. The interviewer, a woman with a sacharrine voice akin to the ones female insurance agents speak in. She asked a litany of questions and was patient enough to let me simmer some in thought. I floundered at first then got my footing towards the end. I was lucklustre, descent at best. Fat chance they’ll communicate back. Still, there’s a flicker of hope.

I saw kids play on a bouncing castle the other day as i resisted the strong urge to indulge. I’m a tad too tall for the bouyant mansion. Okay, I’m too old for bouncing castles – at least that’s how society perceives me. Which is no reason really to deter me from relishing the experience but then I didn’t have the will. I bet you would want to try it too, right? To forget about being 30 and single and jump around. They have to make space for a big kid. I digress.

Anyway, the thing is I shouldn’t be in Kiambu. I should be in Rongai holding court with my class notes. Poring through subtleties of pages to glean knowledge. I have a barrage of assignments stalking me. Deadlines lingering in the air yet i’m seated, sucked into a vortex of complacency and anxiety. Matter of fact, i should be submitting a Web design assignment on Monday but I’m miles away listening to modern RnB and children frolicking about.

I’m safe, my dad doesn’t read this blog. He doesn’t even have a remote whiff I write. All he knows is that I’m doing some Communication related course he and the government finances. If he knew homeboy was running late on deadlines he’d be crestfallen, maybe, just disappointed.

My predicament sustains. I feel enclosed in a labyrinth with not a clue of where to head. Time has waged war against me; pitting me in a duel against assesments. In a week I’ll be sitting for my end of semester exams. I’m not worried about that much, not yet. The angst I have is that I have to find a slot somewhere for industrial attachment in three weeks time. I know not who is looking to hire an intern when offices are closing shop and going tits up. It’s crazy out there. I’ll resort to moving around dropping and sending application emails and letters. Kissings the right asses for favours, dignity can be compromised when in a pickle.

It is 4.16 pm now, the weather is getting grim. The sun has ceded to greying clouds. The wind is tenuously blowing through the window. An opportune time to take a nap. I won’t. Instead, i’ll scour for a movie to watch then tomorrow continue wallowing in this vicious cycle of too much to do in a short time. But before that I’ll send a text to this bird I’m hitting on and throw this phone away.

In other news I’ll be changing the name of this blog. Me thinks the name doesn’t hold essence anymore. I need to revitalise; tighten some loose screws, paint the walls a new colour maybe, mow the overgrown grass and whatnot.

Anyway, bye Folk.

2 thoughts on “ANGST

  1. Congratulations that you made it through to the interviews and all the best wishes for your outcome. And all the good mercies, strength, light and wisdom with your semester exams. 🕯️🕯️🕯️

    Liked by 2 people

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